Life changing decisions.

Hey All....

Well it has been a very long time... Longer then even my normal slacking self. I have been putting my blog off for so long because I am kind of trying to sort myself out.
I feel as if I am being pulled in a million different directions trying to figure out what is next for me.

Today however I made the first step... The first step to changing my life.

Today... I quit my job. My last day will be next Friday and then I will start the process of what my next step will be. I have enjoyed my experience with RIM and I will continue to be a supporter of them, but the office lifestyle and hours that I am being told to work are simply not going to work for me. My family has to come first and I am not willing to sacrifice them for the paycheck.

Aside from that life altering news... I am also extremely home/family sick. I miss my family and feel as if Kaylee, along with myself and Jordon are missing out on so many things being so far away from them at this point in our lives. Of course this is something that we are hoping to change in the near future, but moving across country isn't the easiest thing to accomplish over night.

Also- some wonderful news.... Jordon and I shared our wedding day with our family on the beaches of Punta Cana on April 8th 2011. It was absolutely incredible. I wouldn't have changed a thing at all. It was intimate and sunny, short and sweet and shared with all the people we love.

Married life is exactly what I thought it would be.... The same as it has been for the last few years! haha!

Jordon and I have been together for 10 years, so we have learned each others habits, changed with each other, grown with each other and been through some of the biggest experiences of our lives together. Standing on a beach and saying our vows to each other was amazing, however our lives remain simple and full of love.

So with all that being said, I am now going to give you a little something about my little girl. Kaylee is now a little girl.... In the last couple months, she has learned a handful of new words, she learned to crawl out of her crib, she learned the art of charming the pants off everyone who looks at her and she learned that she really likes the word "No".

Life has been incredible watching Kaylee grow each and every day! Her vocabulary consists of;
Mommy
Daddy
Bath
Ta ta
Mine
Puppy
Toes
tank you
and the famous "No"

I know every parent must say it when they watch their child, but my goodness she is smart. She knows exactly what she wants and if she doesn't know  the word, tries her very best to communicate it in some other way. Makes my whole heart smile watching her.

A couple of weeks ago  however, I experienced another feeling.  I was laying in bed and heard that awful "thump" come from Kaylee's room. I didn't hear any cry but ran in and found her standing there looking up at me with a great big grin. Well that was the end of the crib. I have the convertible crib, so it is now a day bed with the safety bars on it. See Picture here.

So this has brought on its new set of challenges. 2am...*beating on her bedroom door* followed by a "mommyyyyyyy".  I reply "Go back to bed Kaylee". She understands and most times goes and gets back in bed, however she tends to go through the get in bed, get out of bed process a number of times before actually going to sleep. Aside from that, it has been a fairly easy process.... For her... I on the other hand am having a hard time watching my little girl crawl into her very own big girl bed....

Well, that's all for today. It seems I may have some time on my hands very soon, so I will try and get back into this. I appreciate any of my readers who still come and check in from time to time and I apologize for the lack of blogging.

Have a wonderful day!

Jaymie
 

Legally a Flowers!

Me and Jordon

Hey All!

Well, once again.... no blogs for far too long. I have had such a chaotic little while that although I thought about writing many times, I never actually managed to sit down and do it. That being said here I am and welcome to the chaos!

So, as most of the people that follow my blog know, I am getting married on a beach in a very short amount of time. We wanted a down south wedding to avoid the craziness of planning a wedding here. The receptions, the food, the church and all the million other things that go along with a wedding. I simply thought we would book our trip down south, I would pick a day to get married, bring my dress and "Taa-daa" everything is done. This however is not the case.

The last couple of weeks have been filled with last minute purchases, and decisions. I know I shouldn't complain as most people planning a wedding have so much more to do. I just wanted low maintenance and I didn't expect to still have all the small stuff to go along with it. That being said, the time is almost here.

Jordon and I are "legally" already married so as to avoid the ridiculous translation fees and other associated costs with doing the actual legalities down there. We each just had our best friend present to witness, Kaylee of course and the Justice of the Peace in our living room to say our vows. What a mix of emotions that was. While this wasn't our "wedding" but simply the legal stuff, we opted for just jeans and a shirt. We repeated those incredibly important words while standing on my daughters play mat as Kaylee walked around the living room saying  "lolli, lolli, lolli lolli". Hahaha! She was just a little noise maker! It is actually quite hilarious. We tried not to burst out laughing and kept our composure. The JP was a little thrown off by the informality of it all but was happy to sign all our papers.

Needless to say- I am legally a Mrs. Flowers. Can you believe that! While it is not official until my father walks me down that isle on the beach it is still crazy to know that after 10 years of our lives together we are now officially tied.

We will be leaving for the Punta Cana beaches in 2 days, 21 hours, 14 minutes and 10 seconds. But hey who's counting! Ha ha!

My Hunny

We will be joined by 23 of our close friends and family for an incredible vacation. April 8th 2011, our date to be married on the beach, is going to be shared with my Dad's 50th Birthday as well as my Nanny and Poppa's 50th wedding anniversary. So it will be a big day all around and a big celebration! We are so very excited!

To give a little background...

Jordon and I met almost 10 years ago in Bobcaygeon Ontario... I was a 15 year old girl, who spent the summers up north on the lake with my family and he was a 17 year old guy camping with a few friends just up the road. What began as simple flirting that weekend developed into him giving me his phone number and whispering in my ear to call him when I returned home to the city. That was the summer that I developed a crush that soon turned into the young infatuation stage and then eventually into love. You hear people say "young love" and talk about the crazy things people do for love. Well we were no exception. We loved hard, we fought hard and we made up... well....

Jordon and I

We have been through so much in the last 10 years it is a wonder we are still together. I feel like we have endured some of the worst pain together and after it all, come out stronger. I would not be who I am today if it were not for Jordon. While there are some days, and  believe me there are some days, that I want to beat him over the head with a frying pan and say "What the heck is the matter with you!!!!", there are also days that I come home to him, playing with Kaylee on the floor. And as they both look up at  me and smile, I think... There is no other place in the world I would rather be.

Our Family...

Jordon is my partner, he is my friend, he is the father of my beautiful little girl, he is my lover and now... He is my husband.

And while I am not naive enough to think that just because that piece of paper is now signed that life will be butterflies and roses, I am sure that we have a beautiful, and sometimes bumpy road ahead of us....

Have a great day!

Jaymie

P.S. I will be sure to post new photos and a post telling you all about my trip when we return!

Surprise Happy Birthday Trip!!!!!!!!!!

Kaylee and Poppa Bear

Afew weeks ago my Mom called and told me she was having a surprise party for my little sister as she had been having a rough couple weeks and needed a good pick me up. I thought it was a great idea but was sad that once again the 2000km between us would prevent me from being apart of one of these family events.

I pouted to myself for a minute and then put it past me. While sitting at work the next day I thought... 'I wonder if Dad will split airmiles with me and help get me home for the weekend'... Worth a shot right? I send my Dad a message on BlackBerry Messenger and non challantly throw out "Hey Dad! I heard you guys are throwing Jackie a party for her birthday... That's awesome. I wish I could be there. I looked it up and it would only be 1950 to fly Kaylee and I home for the weekend. I have 900.. Wanna help?"



Happy little girl with her Poppa Bear

I sat at my desk and thought of of the very likely response I would get from my Dad. He  has always been very frugal with his money so I expected nothing short of a "No". I Could even hear him saying something along the lines of "Jaymie we are going to be together in a few weeks for your wedding. You don't need to waste the money flying home for a weekend."

Cousin Jaron is getting so big!!



 This however was not the case.
Glen Doole "Do you still have all of my information from when I flew you home at Christmas? My airmiles is..."

WHAT!!! Who are you and what have you done with my father! I stared at my screen, I shouted it out to my co-workers, I msn'd my mother asking what the heck had she done with my father. My Mom... Just as surprised. She asked if this was some part of  the show punked and when the other shoe would drop.



I asked my Dad multiple times if he was joking. He shrugged it off like I was the crazy one.

Needless to say, I booked the ticket using Dad's air mile's and credit card and a day and a half later we were heading to the airport!

Hanging out with supper on the kitchen floor.

I packed light as this was the first time I would be flying with Kaylee alone. I had the 1 suitcase, a back pack for my carry on, her stroller for easy airport moving and her car seat. Everything was going off without a hitch! We boarded the plane and took off on time. 10 minutes into the flight however... Kaylee threw up... Everywhere. All over me, all over her and down the side of the seat we were in. I groaned and moved towards the bathroom apologizing to everyone I walked past for the horrible oder sour milk baby barf gives off. I stripped her down, used as many wipes as I could to clean myself off... Here's the kicker to this part of the story... Thinking it was just a 2 hour flight and I was packing light, I did not have a spare outfit in my backpack. and I now have my little girl smiling up at me sitting on a change table in a diaper. All I could do was laugh for this moment... I asked the flight attendant if I could use a blanket, you know- one of those tiny pieces of itchy material that barely covers the upper half of your body.... I wrapped it around her like a little strapless dress and off to our seat we went. The flight attendants so kindly cleaned up our seat and we were set for the rest of the flight. Kaylee smiled and giggled the whole time, flirting with anyone who would look her way!

The rest of the trip to Mom and Dad's went off without a hitch! Of course Mom gave me quite a look as I walked through the door with an Air Canada baby in my arms!

My sister arrived home a few hours later my sister arrived home to find us waiting. The look of surprise on her face was fantastic. As if on cue, Kaylee walked around the corner and in her high pitched squeal said her version of "Hiiii". Jackie stood and stared for a moment before she reached down and hugged Kaylee. Awesome moment.



We spent the day enjoying each others company, laughing, playing with Kaylee and having a few cocktails. Saturday morning we did a little bit of shopping and then I was recruited to get Jackie out of the house so Mom could get ready for the party. I left Kaylee with Mom and Dad and we headed out to a little pub for a few drinks. A few of our friends met us and we sat and laughed for a few hours. We laughed so hard that my face hurt! I haven't laughed that hard in ages! Of course the cocktails helped with that process! One of my closest childhood friends Melanie was there with us, in on the plan of course and my goodness it reminded me of how simple life was when we were kids. Jackie's close friend Joanne was also there to enjoy the day. We headed home to find a house full of people! Jackie was again surprised and happy to enjoy all of the company! We all had a fantastic time! My Mom sure knows how to throw an amazing party!

Sunday we all enjoyed a lazy day around the house. The gals snuggled up on the couches and watched movies while Dad watched Westerns in the living room. It was so nice just to enjoy each other. No plans, nothing to do but hang out with each other.

Kaylee and Dad got off to a rough start. Dad is very up close and personal and I think that threw Kaylee for a loop. As big of a flirt as she is, she likes to do it on her own time. Dad's up front personality threw her. It took a little while for her to come around however when she did, she was totally hooked! Dad was laying on the floor and Kaylee continually threw herself on top of him to snuggle. Dad's grin said it all. He was as happy as could be.

Sunday evening Dad drove Kaylee and I to the airport... It was one of those moments when you don't want to say goodbye but have to and therefore you try and make it short and sweet. A quick hug and kiss and Kaylee and I raced off.

One delayed flight later and insanely cranky and tired baby sleeping in my arms, the flight landed back in Halifax. Jordon was eagerly awaiting us. Looking forward to holding his little girl.

Coming back home, I realized even more how much I miss my family. Each day the desire to be closer to them tends to grow stronger. My mother is beautiful and smart and funny. She has taught me to be the mother I am. She taught me that patience is not always easy but it is imperative to being a great parent and partner. My Sister is brilliant and strong. She is an emotional reactor who teaches me all the time not to be so hard and to soften around the edges a little. My Dad is tough and stubborn. He is clearly however softening up.

I have said it before and I will say it again... Family is so important... I miss them....

My little girl growing up!

On the up side, I had a fabulous weekend with them. I was also able to see my sister in law and beautiful little nephew! Actually not so little. He is 3 pounds shy of Kaylee's weight at 4 months old! I also have the most beautiful little girl and a man that was extremely excited to see us after a weekend away!

Hope everyone has a great day!!!

Jaymie

Pity Party for One Please?

I hate this feeling... The feeling in the pit of your stomach that is yelling at you and crying at the same time.... The part that is saying "WHY MEEEEEE!!!" and the other part that calmly and rationally states "stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are a lucky person. You have so much to be grateful for.".
I have begun working the back shift... By this I mean going into work at 11pm, when your body is fighting with you to go to bed and working until 7:30am when your body is usually getting ready to head out the door for the "normal" working shift.
My position is a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week position. There is a proper rotation and everyone does there turns doing early shifts and late shifts. I took on the back shift to avoid working shifts that would run into the evening when I get those valuable few hours with Kaylee.
I thought it was a brilliant idea. Work when she is sleeping, Jordon could take her to daycare in the morning while I sleep, I pick her up in the afternoon and have the late afternoon and evening at home.
This is how I had it planned in my head however it is so much harder then that. I have never been much of a napper or day time sleeper. Even when Kaylee was born and colicky and everyone said "sleep when she sleeps", I had trouble sleeping. It made for a very long 10 weeks. I somehow feel, 14 months later that I am going through this again. I am having a lot of difficulty sleeping through the day. It is not the light but more the sound. And the mental clock in my head telling me it is beautiful outside and I could be washing my floors, changing the bed sheets, doing the laundry or walking the dogs.  The way it has been working out, I have been coming home around 8am, tidying a few small things before crawling in bed. Sleep is light but I am able to sleep until about 12:30 ish. This leaves me with roughly 4 hours sleep. During that sleep, the phone has rung 3 times, the dogs have barked at kids passing by outside and I have reached out to touch Jordon who is clearly not there.
The first couple days... Not too bad... A few days later... A sick babysitter... Ok, I can handle this... Worked all night with 4 hours sleep the day before but sure... I can do this. Kaylee and I play and spend the day together. I do nap when she naps from 1:30-3pm. Jordon comes home early and relieves me of Mommy duty so I can get a few hours sleep before heading back to work. I sat at work and thought of my bed and the brand new sheets I had put on. 6:30am... I am almost there... 1 hour to go and I am off to bed...
BlackBerry Messenger Message "Jaym, call me"
Turns out babysitter is still sick and I am going to be Super Mom again... I put my head down on my desk and I actually cried for a minute. The exhaustion took over and I just couldn't help it.
I remember doing this when Kaylee was 5 weeks old and I had not slept for more then 40 minutes at a time. I remember sitting and crying. Calling my Mom and telling her she needed to fly out and take care of Kaylee because I just couldn't do it.
Jordon had a morning meeting but promised to come home as soon as it was over so I would be able to sleep. It just so happened my neighbour and good friend Kerry was off work for the day and thank goodness. She took Kaylee for the morning for me. Let me tell you... I slept. I slept well. I slept well for 5 hours before getting up and enjoying the rest of the afternoon with my little girl.
The weekend was tough. Going from being up all night to trying to go to bed at night to spend the days with Kaylee, but I managed. Back shift began once again on Monday and I seemed to be getting the hang of it. Tuesday night... Halfway through my shift I get a call... Kaylee has been up screaming and will not sleep. Jordon has been doing really great stepping up to the plate since I have been doing the back shift but I have always taken on night duty and it was me she wanted as she cried and screamed.... Not Daddy. I had to leave work to head home. We rocked and sang until 4:30am before she finally fell asleep. The next morning off to daycare she went while Momma went to bed. 10:30- ring ring ring. I ignore it. 10:45 ring ring ring... ignore it again... 11am still ringing. I finally get up to check and it is my babysitter. She is sure Kaylee must have an ear infection because she will not eat, will not sleep and will not stop screaming. I get myself up and head out to get her. We head to the walk in clinic and the doctor tells me matter of factly that her ears look good, her throat looks good and there appears to be nothing wrong with her...
I succumb to the desire of greasy McDonald's which I have avoided for the last few months for the purpose of fitting into my wedding dress and head home...
At 3pm Kaylee finally lays down for a nap and Mommy does the same. I had a good hour of sleep and then we were up going about our usual play routine. She was much whinnier and clingier... Teeth maybe? That's the only thing I can think of... But nothing seems to pacify her but me...
So this is me... Feeling sorry for myself. Going through the "WHY ME!!!!!!" in my head....
Being a full time working Mom is hard... Being a night working Mom may just be harder...

Why is it that life can't just be simple and boring and full of no surprises? Just for a little while?

Everyday there is a new hurdle... Sometime they are so big I am not sure I can get over them... Others are the small ones that make me feel like Super Mom. But right now... I am definitly not feeling like Super Mom. I am feeling Super Defeated....

Well, thanks for letting me vent and checking in on me. I promise I will write something more positive tomorrow!

After all I have wedding details to share as well as our last minute surprise trip to Toronto to share with everyone!

Have a great day, and thanks again for reading my rant...

Jaymie

All in a Weekend......

Hey Everyone! I am writing again only a few days after my last post! Can you believe it!!! Well, I have been reading a lot of new blogs lately and was feeling motivated to share our busy weekend with you!

My Little girl is such a flirt!

Since being back at work, I have been lucky enough to have most Fridays off. Instead of tacking on my vacation from my year off, I decided to use a vacation day every Friday to give me a long weekend. This has worked out wonderfully and made the transition much better. So Friday morning, after sending Kaylee off to daycare with her Daddy, I crawled back into bed and slept like a baby for another 2 hours. When I first crawled back into bed, I felt guilty... I should get up and start my chores, walk the dogs or do my work out video....Instead... I snuggle in just a little deeper and drift off.  



Enjoying an Oreo cookie.



8:30, the dogs stir... We get up and begin our day. I clean the house, top to bottom. it smells good, it looks good and this makes me feel- oh so good! It is amazing how efficient you become once your a Mom. What used to take me 3-4 hours, now I complete in 2 hours max! It makes me wonder why the heck it used to take so much time before. After cleaning, and getting myself cleaned up, I headed out to get my errands done before picking up my munchkin early for the day. I picked up a very tired, refusing to nap baby. She had been outside playing and was now not happy about having to go down. We headed home for the day and once we got in, she went straight down for a nap. I know I could have left her at the sitters do do this, but there is something about having her home with me for that extra time, even if she is sleeping. That being said... I will miss my Fridays big time once I no longer have them off. I have come to enjoy "me time" which usually results in my cooking or cleaning.


Getting ready for bed..

After her nap, we spent the afternoon playing and making a big mess of my nice clean living room... These however are the things I have learned to let slide... The things I have learned (with many bumps in the road) not to let get to me. That evening, I was looking forward to a nice glass of wine and catching up on some recorded TV. I gave Jordon the okay to go and play poker with his buddies while I snuggled on the couch.My plan was going off without a hitch... until 11pm...  11 rolled around and suddenly I heard my "sleeping" baby, playing in her crib. I walked in to find her wide awake and playing with her bears.... Earlier that night Mom had called and wanted to Skype but Kaylee was already in bed... I figured, better later then never and gave Mom a ring at 11pm.  Much to her delight of course, Kaylee and Nanna chatted  back and forth on the computer. After about 20 minutes of this little charade, I told her it was time for bed and headed back to her room. She went down no problem and slept until 7:30am. What a treat.
Saturday morning we let Daddy sleep in while we played and ate breakfast. It was rather chilly out so we decided against a walk but rather a drumming session on the pots and pans! This was a wonderful way to wake up Daddy in a hurry. hahaha!

Mommy and Kaylee



 We bundled everyone up in the car and headed out to run some errands. Our wedding is only 5 short weeks away and we still do not have wedding bands. We went to Costco to take a peak and while we did not find wedding bands, we did find watches... Jordon and I like to call this impulse buying... We do it every now and then when we are simply feeling the need to spend. In this case, it was spending Jordon's money! hahaha! we picked up a few other things then headed off for the hot dog we always get before leaving, then home.



Saturday night, we enjoyed the company of a few of our neighbours, a few cocktails and laughs before I hit the sack by 10:30. I find Kaylee is so active that she tuckers me right out chasing after her all day. She slept wonderfully  Saturday night which was great because Sunday we had a big day. Kaylee's first big birthday party! It was an Elmo party for Maddox's first birthday. I have posted numerous photos of him on here before, but I must say, seeing him all tuckered out sleeping on his Daddy's shoulder at his own party was adorable.

Kayee- AKA Miss Independent, went off by herself to play. No looking around to see where I was, no hesitation to walk up to a child she didn't know and pluck the toy right from his hand and no fear what so ever of walking up to a man she didn't know and crawling into his lap. The poor elderly gentleman just kind of looked at her and then up to me. It wasn't until she flashed him one of her "I am so adorable" smiles did he begin to relax.

At this party there was also a great big Elmo. Kaylee took quite a liking to him as well, however from a distance. She stood and stared at him, even got close enough to touch him a few times, but the second I tried to put her on his lap for a photo, the scream and tears began. Needless to say, we did not get a photo with Elmo other then a few of her starring at him in aww.


Meeting Elmo... she wanted to look but the moment he reached out to hold her, the water works started!

By the time we arrive home at 3pm, Kaylee had yet to have a nap and was extremely cranky. I laid her down for a nap, knowing I would have to wake her up by 4 if there was any chance of a normal bedtime. Waking Kaylee up is never any fun. She tends to be fussy for the first little while and want nothing else but to be held.

We had a quiet evening and she went to bed without a hitch... I made chicken wings and cesar salad for the boys playing poker in my living room and headed to bed not long after Kaylee. This was short lived however.

I have fallen victim in the last couple of months to the cuddle bug... Kaylee wakes up throughout the night and since she has only recently become a cuddler, I go in, hold her and rock her while she wraps her tiny arms around me and snuggles. I do this until she falls asleep and then lay her down. This was cute until I had to come back to work... Now it is simply exhausting. After speaking to my babysitter, she said plain as day "Jaymie, she is doing this because you keep getting up with her. Let her cry or she is always going to get up in the middle of the night"... Light bulb moment... Didn't I already go through this 6 months ago?

Last night was a true test to this. She was up at 12am... 20 minutes of yelling (not to be confused with crying), until she fell asleep... 30 minutes of sleep until 20 more minutes of yelling. REPEAT cycle until 5:30am.. Followed by my alarm clock going off at 5:45... Although I did not get up once, I am exhausted. I had to wake her up this morning and it was clear that she too is exhausted. She is not sick and there are no teeth coming through that I can see... So my only guess is that my babysitter is right and I have done this.... It could be a long week.



"No more kisses Mom"



Anyway, that's all for today, this post seems to have gotten longer then it probably should  be!

Have a great day!

Jaymie

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.......

Alarm is set for 6:05am this week... I roll over at 5:56am.. Thinking, man I have to pee and then god knows I want to crawl back into this bed for another couple hours... Knowing this is not in the forecast, I instead lay there and contemplate what I am going to wear for the day.... Jeans and a sweater, dress pants and knitted shirt, Jeans and a fitted long sleeve shirt... Ugh the descions...

By the time the alarm goes off 9 very short minutes later, the dogs are stretching out, waiting to go for their morning pee and come in for breakfast, Jordon is stirring and pleading with me to hit the snooze button and snuggle for just a couple more minutes and I am still debating my wardrobe choice of the day in my head. Much to Jordon's distaste, I crawl out of bed and begin the morning routine. After getting things going, I stand in front of the closet, pull on jeans and a sweater then move towards the mirror.

I stand there looking at myself for a moment... I look at my belly, stretched by motherhood...*sigh*. I immediately think, ugly... Then I hear the usual morning "bababa.. Daaaa-Deeeee" from the other room and then reason with that thought inside my head... The reason for that stretched belly is happily awaiting me in the room next door, and for that, it is beautiful.

I turn away from the mirror and head into the next room to see the most content little girl, smiling up at me still saying "Daaa-deee". Little bugger... I get her ready for the day, feed the dogs, get coffee and tea ready to go for Jordon and I and then head back to the bathroom to finish getting myself ready.

Starring in the mirror once again, I pick up my concealer and dab it under my tired looking eyes, sweep my hair up into a ponytail with a cute clip, add a little mascara and think, there now... not so bad for a Mom that was up 3 times last night- right?

There is the constant battle of having good self esteem and bad body image...

I pride myself on being a confident woman and with that comes the assumption that while I am confident in who I am, I am confident in my body. I try and keep myself in the positive light. After all, I was not a size 0 before I got pregnant, no sense in beating myself up for not being a size 0 now.

Of course Jordon tells me often enough that I look beautiful and I am fine the way I am. To this I simply smile and think my love really is blind...

So my question to those who read is... Where is the balance between self esteem and body image? How do you find a happy medium where you are happy with your body but don't allow your my love handles are just a part of who I am attitude become an excuse for your jean size slowly crawling up?

Would love some feedback!

Have a great day!

 Jaymie

Adjusting.

Daddy and Kaylee

Hey out there to anyone who still reads my blog... I know it has been a while and I also know I always say that. Trying to juggle life has become so much more difficult.


Happy Girl!



That being said, I am getting there. Kaylee is doing incredible!  Over the last few weeks she has learned to say "Da-dee" which a super high pitch at the end. It is so adorable and while I am jealous it is not "Mommy" I can accept it.

She is also learning new things everyday. There is an adorable little fellow that she goes to day care with who has coined her "Baby Kaylee" so now Kaylee is trying to say "bay-bee". It is not nearly as often or dominant as her "Da-Dee's" but non the less it is adorable.

My baby sitter is phenomenal. I have not once picked Kaylee up, upset, or unhappy. Honestly, some days she doesn't want to leave (ouch)...

I know that this is an incredible thing and I am happy about it however I still have that ache in my heart when I drop her off. Kaylee is now passed walking and is full on running. She is so fast it is unbelievable. She gets around and gets into everything.

She was quite sick  last week, which of course I coughed up to the fast that it was daycare and being around other sick children, but after being sick for a couple weeks, Mommy not getting much sleep at night and her coughing to the point of throwing up at some points, we decided it was best to take her to the doctor.

It is hard to take your child to the doctor without feeling like one of those crazy Mom's who is banging on the doctors door everytime their child has a sniffle. That being said, I feel like I waited a long enough  time with my sick little girl to go.

When we arrived, the doctor clearly saw how sick Kaylee was and gave us an anti-biotic. Kaylee's first antibiotic. Eeeks. I was hesitant about giving it to her however within 24 hours my little girl started coming around. It took a few days but she is now 100% back to normal.

We are adjusting to our new lifestyle at a slow and steady pace.

All of that being said... In 7 weeks I will be getting married. WOW. How insane is that. Long time coming or not, saying that out loud is crazy. I bought my dress a few weeks ago and I  have to say I love it. I did the typical- saw it on the hanger and did not like it, tried it on and LOVED it.

It is fitted in the top (sucking me in and pushing me up in all the right places) and loose at the bottom. It is not to heavy which will be nice for the beach.

We have also begun using Skye. Anyone out there use it? The video chat over the Internet for free? Its amazing. I do not know why my family and I have not thought of this before. Each night we set it up and My Mom, Dad and Sister all get to see and talk to Kaylee. It makes it feel as if they are not missing so many important moments. I am not just telling them about it but they get to see it. I also hope that Kaylee will begin to take more interest in it so she can learn to recognize who our family is.

Other then that, it has been pretty quiet. I have always been a home body, but now that I am back at work, I feel like this rings true now more then ever. I am content to head home at the end of the day, pick up my baby and just enjoy the quiet evening. Suppers and cleaning are done when I am able and the rest of the time we just wing it. Ha ha.



My Sweet little girl! Bath time with Daddy!



One last note, to those that do read my blog. I want to thank you for your support and guidance. I know I am sometimes crazy and babble on but I always have such great feedback from everyone. So thank you so much for that!

Have a great day!

Jaymie





Settling in.

 Hey Everyone,

Well, it has been a while since I have written and I promise not to have a meltdown through this blog. Slowly but surely, Kaylee, Jordon and I are settling into a very new routine.

I will not say that it is easy and I will not claim to be very good at it yet. That being said we are learning and growing and working towards making it work.

I was so carried away last month with the thought of coming back to work, I did not even write about my little girl turning 1.

Wow, now there is a thought. 1 year has passed since I had Kaylee. It sounds so cliche to say "where does the time go" and "it went by in a blink of an eye"... But wow, how true. In the beginning, I did not feel like I was very good at being a Mom and I felt like it dragged on. Kaylee was colicky and cried for many hours at a time, so between exhaustion, frustration and the whole process of trying to learn a whole new life, I felt like it was lasting forever. So when people said "it goes by so fast", all I could think of was "ya right, then you are getting more then 4 hours of sleep in a day". ha ha.

That being said, once Kaylee turned 12 weeks, we turned a corner. Suddenly Kaylee was turning into a little person and each and everyday something new was happening. Now she is 12 months old and running around, saying a few words, laughing at random things, eating absolutely everything and the light of my life.

Now that she is 12 months old, I am now also back at work and once again going through a new change in my life and trying to find balance in work and family living.

I can honestly say, I wish I could work part time. After all the things I said about needing work, which I still believe I do, I simply wish I could do it a few days a week and have more time at home with Kaylee.

That however is not an option and so we must continue doing what we are doing.

Kaylee has adjusted to daycare amazingly. She is running around with 3 year old's and playing with them as if she has been doing so forever. She is not upset to be dropped off and not eager to be picked up. While this is fantastic and exciting, its also hard to watch.

I am learning however to enjoy the small amount of time I have with her each night, more then I ever have before. I value the small things so much more and I am slowly learning that supper doesn't have to be a big event every night, the house doesn't need to be perfectly clean every night and that Jordon doesn't expect me to do it.

I guess I just became so used to having everything done and having my time with Kaylee that I assumed I would be good at it all once I was back to work full time as well. It seems to be a little more difficult however.

There,  that's me trying to say what I have been thinking without going on and on and on.

So Mom's, I have to send out a message and ask! What are some of the tips, suggestions and thoughts you have for me on how to balance it all. How do you maintain your home lifestyle and work full time everyday!

Have a great day everyone!!!!

Jaymie

Working Mom........

Well, it is day 2 of my working Mom status.... My heart... broken... My mental status... a mess... my baby girl... doing wonderful....
I think in just 2 days of working, I have begun to feel like a different person yet again. I have also gained a new respect for working Mom's...
I had a really rough week last week,  thinking about leaving Kaylee, trying to mentally prepare for this next stage in my life and not sleeping with the insane amount of anxiety I felt for leaving my baby. I thought the worst of it was over. I thought yesterday morning as I dropped Kaylee off, and she wandered off with her new found friends at daycare and I sulked as I walked out the door to my car- where I continued to cry until I pulled into the RIM parking lot, called Karen (my child care provider) and was reassured that Kaylee was great, that the worst was over. For some reason, in my delusional mind, I figured that the first drop off, first day and first cry would be the hardest and from there on out it would get easier.
Well I am here to admit that I was wrong. My life is changing, Kaylee's life is changing and Jordon's life is also changing. I also know now, that this feeling I am feeling in the pit of my stomach is not going to go away after that first drop off...
With the way the schedules fall, for the first little while, I will be dropping Kaylee off around 8am and Jordon will be picking Kaylee up slightly before 5pm. I am off work at 5, so should be home around 5:20 ish. Sounds great huh... Sounds like your average working family schedule right?
Then why is it that I feel like the biggest mess in the world right now...Mum called to check in on my tonight and all she had to say was "how are you hun" and the tears which I had held back the entire day just freely flowed and I turned into my Mommy's little girl all over again....
Getting up in the morning around 6:15 ish isn't the hard part. Actually getting up at that hour has come fairly easy. Getting ready for work is not so bad, as I feel the vague familiarity in this process as well. Waking Kaylee up from her warm and cozy bed, to have her look at me with that look which says "Mom, its still dark outside. Why on earth are you waking me up?" a little harder.. Trying to get Kaylee ready; breakfast, cleaned up, dressed, diaper bag prepped while making sure, I am ready, the dogs are fed and have been out for a pee and getting us out the door by 7:45 in the morning, not quite so easy and slightly frustrating.
Kaylee doesn't quite understand why I am waking her up (almost 2 hours earlier then the usual time), trying to make her eat so early and shoving us both out the door so early is now our routine. She has been refusing to eat, yelling at me and fussing the entire way to the sitter.
She then spends a wonderful day with Karen and all her new little friends. We spent a few days there last week to help with the transition process. I know that Karen does this for the parents benefit and not the child and I am very grateful for that. I also feel so great in my child care choice and confident that Kaylee is in the best hands.
Understand all of this in my head still does not make leaving my baby with someone else while I am in an office all day ANY easier. When I get home in the evening, Kaylee has had a fantastic day of playing, great home made food and interacting with children. She is tired, slightly irritable and not really in the mood for playing with Mommy, who at this point in the day wants nothing more then to get down on the floor and play with her little girl.
This is where I am struggling. Kaylee is coming home to have supper, a bath, read a story, have a bottle and fall fast asleep. Mommy however is left to come home, try to spend that short time frame with Kaylee before she goes to bed, hold it together to make supper, lunches for tomorrow and any other chores that need to be done. Jordon has been fantastic.... His life is changing as well. He is no longer coming home to a clean and balanced household with supper ready and all the chores done. He is now picking Kaylee up from daycare, making her supper, getting things organized for me to come home and tearing around like a lunatic....
Being a working Mom is going to be by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.... I would like to go out on a limb and say that for 25 years old I have been through a lot... Handled a lot and come out a better person after bad situations...
I am also going to say, that I have never experienced this before and while I know maybe I sound like I am rambling and going on about the same thing... I feel like I could talk/cry about this for hours... days... I am not sure.
Having an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening with my perfect little girl is not enough. And my heart is aching because I feel like I deserve more of her and she deserves more of me.
That being said... Providing everything I am able for Kaylee and being the best Mom I can be in the time I do have with her is what is important.... That is the rational side of my brain speaking...
The hurting side... Is telling me to quit my job, and do whatever it takes so that I can stay home and take care of her each and everyday. My hurting side in my selfish side.
I know that daycare is healthy for Kaylee. I know she is learning (already), and having fun and growing as a little person in a lot of ways. I also know, adult stimulation and having a purpose in life besides being a Mom is very good for me. I know I am the type of person that requires some outside stimulation.
I just have not found the medium between these two ideals. I bet any other Mom's are reading this saying "it gets easier". I too know this in my rational mind....
My question is how do I stop the hurting now?
I also want to say that while this is by far the hardest part of "my new life".... It is not the only hard part.
Going through this daily routine; wake up, get everyone ready, go to work, come home, scrounge for time with Kaylee, make supper, clean up, make lunches, try and do any chores that need doing is exhausting... This is not even including the "work out" that I was doing so well at before I went back to work.
So here's my questions Moms....
How the hell do you do it?????
How do you manage everything and still maintain a positive attitude about everything? How do you not become bitter at the fact that someone else is now enjoying all those special moments with your little one? How do you keep up with the house maintaince? Or even your relationship maintaince? I feel like my whole being is trying to focus on everything but only has eyes for Kaylee....
Well, I am going to stop babbling. I truly hope for some feedback from Mom's who have been there... Please let me know this is "normal" or what I can do to make it easier... Or just that there is hope for getting over this tremendous hurt...

Have a great day!

Jaymie

Back to the Grind....

Well, now that I have spilled my guts out on here the last few days... I am going to start writing about what this blog was originally supposed to be about.

My everyday life with Kaylee.... I am considering changing the subtitle to the blog from "Our Everyday Life" to something a little more reflective about this blog. Maybe something like... "Life as Kaylee's Mom and Everything Else". Ha ha! Thoughts or suggestions?

So, getting back home and getting back into routine is always nice after a trip. While Kaylee was amazing while we flew, she slept most of the way (lucky I know), and while she was amazing while we were visiting.... I think it was just as nice for her to settle into our "normal" life once we arrive home.

We wasted no time getting our Christmas decorations down and trying to find that "normal" again. On my new healthier my kick that I am on, Kaylee and I have been walking each and everyday in her brand new wagon.

Something exciting that is happening is.... Kaylee will be starting daycare in a few weeks.... I am due back to work in a couple of weeks and therefore Kaylee and I will not be spending each and every moment together going forward. This is a pretty tough pill to swallow but I know it is going to be so good and so healthy for us both. It will be wonderful for Kaylee to be socializing more and interacting with children her age, and it will also be great for me to begin socializing in adult settings a little more often.

I truly believe going back to work if going to bump my moral and have me feeling a little bit better about myself. For those who remember I had been for an interview for a new position at RIM, I am still waiting for word. I called for a follow up and I should know by the end of this week. That being said, cross all your fingers and toes for me... PRETTY PLEASE!!!

Coming home and trying to sort myself out has also set some challenges for Jordon and I. We live our life generally carefree in the sense that we always like to have a good time and we really enjoy our drinks and fun with friends. Me setting the different goals for myself, kind of puts a damper on that and so we are trying to sort that out. Of course I don't expect Jordon to quit partying and drinking. But I would love to have him on board with me, trying to tone the party in our lives down a little. We are a family now and that has to be number one priority to both of us. By that I don't just mean Kaylee. Of course she is my absolute and utter first priority, but I also mean our relationship with each other. It is very easy to loose site of the "us" when the time you spend together is often spent with your friends. We are so lucky to have great neighbours that we can hang out with, however it has made me feel as if our relationship is kind of shared with them. Jordon and I sat and had a conversation about this and have promised that we are going to start making sure we take those moments for us. We have more "family time" and more "us" time.

Every relationship goes through it emotional ups and downs. I have no doubt that the one we are going through is one that will help make us better, help make us stronger, and help us understand each other even better. I think having those ups and downs is what helps you grow in life and growing is essential... Because if your not growing your sitting in limbo...

So to my hunny, we may be going through the humps, but at the end of the day... Your still here, I am still here and we have the most beautiful, smart and stunning little girl in the world. If that is not motivation enough to give everything we have to make the best of who and what we are I am not sure what is.

So, while our lives are changing everyday, and hopefully for the better, I have to say this! Kaylee is walking, Kaylee is saying a few little words, Kaylee will be starting daycare, and oh my goodness... KAYLEE IS GOING TO BE 1 YEAR OLD IN 12 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a crazy thought for me to grasp! Wow!!!!

We went for our doctors appointment to get her 1 year needles this week... I must say, as I say each and every single time... It breaks my heart. To hear her cry, to have her cling to me and to see the real tears, not the crocodile tears is dreadful! I packed her up as quickly as I could and hit the road, heading home so we could snuggle up with a book and I could try and take that pain away.

Well, I seem to hear a little one up in her crib, letting me know loud and clear, that her nap in finished and she is ready to play. Until my next blog... could be a day or could be a month with the way I go... Ha ha!

Have a great day!!!

Jaymie

All in the Family..........

Well, I know I touched on it a little bit in my last post, but I wanted to write a little bit today about my family.

Wow! How lucky I am to have the family I have...

My father never seems to amaze me. He was generous enough to make the plans with Jordon's father to fly us home for Christmas. My dad and Jordon's dad split the difference and got us home for Christmas! My Dad and I have always butt heads. Some have gone as far as to say that I am a lot like my Dad. I share his passion for the important things in our lives, I share his stubbornness, I share his tough guy attitude and I also share his untiring dedication to family.

Dad was silly when we needed a laugh, serious when he knew I needed some guidance and amazing with Kaylee over the Christmas holiday. Overall it was really great to share a few of the moments with him that I was able to. I am grateful to have him as my Dad and feel extremely lucky for Kaylee to have the ability to get to know him.

My Mom... Wow, now there is a woman. She can cook, she can take care of a houseful, she can make you laugh, she can make you mad and she is one of those women that you always want on your side at the end of the day so you can have a hug and hear her say she loves you.

When I was visiting home in Ontario, I am pretty sure Mom smiled for every single second in a day that she was looking at Kaylee. She is just so incredibly happy to have her around. It was wonderful. Mom pulled out her pots, she pulled out her pans, she would make something special for Kaylee to try eating and if she didn't like it, Mom never let it phase her. I sat in the living room, watching Mom throw her hands in the air making silly noises all in an effort to make a cranky little girl smile (and it worked). I couldn't help but smile watching her. I am absolutely positive she would be ecstatic if I were closer and she could make those faces at Kaylee all the time.

I also want to say a little something about my little sister. Jackie is one of those people that love her or hate her, no one will ever forget her. She leaves a stamp! She is smart, she is beautiful, she is funny and she is emotional. She wears her heart on her sleeve and that has a tendency to get her in some mucky situations, her heart is pure and beautiful so anyone who sees it should feel lucky.

Jackie and I have not always seen eye to eye... (Imagine that, two sisters not always getting along). When I say that I really mean, as kids we either were getting along great OR fighting like dogs. As teenagers it was more often then not- fighting like cats and dogs... I was gone for her older teenage years, which didn't help our relationship and I know there was some tensions between us. That being said... Here we are at 25 and 21, we probably get along better then we ever have... I am pretty positive, Jackie has become a woman, driven to succeed and will do so when she puts her mind to it. She is also Kaylee's Aunt. There was mannnnny times I would look around to find Jackie on the floor with Kaylee playing or reading to her. She even woke up early one morning and let me sleep in while she fed Kaylee breakfast and played with her until I crawled my lazy bum out of bed.

You can tell when you look at Jackie, that she adores Kaylee and this is quite incredible considering a couple years ago everything in Jackie's life had to revolve around Jackie or she was very mad about it. She has grown up and seeing her with Kaylee makes me proud! I am proud that she has worked hard towards her goals, I am proud that she is such a wonderful Aunt and I am proud that she is still working towards the new goals she has set in her life.

When I was home over Christmas, my Mom, Sister and I went out for an afternoon. We drove around chatting, venting about the things in life that irk us and then stopped for an appetizer and drink. Sharing some of those moments in life are tremendously important to me. I am not able to do that with them often, so sitting there venting about life felt great!

Family clearly shapes who you are... I know this and I am now able to embrace it. I feel lucky to know that Kaylee not only has Jordon and I as her family but she also has this extended family that adores her almost as much as I do and will be able to provide her with the support, knowledge in different areas of her life and the love that they have for her.

So Mom, Dad, Jackie.... Thanks for being you... Thanks for the love, the support and the incredible Christmas you gave to us. I love you!

Jaymie